Robert Francis Christie

Well, now there are two all-knowing beings in Heaven. “Crazy Lieutenant Christie” fought his last battle on Saturday, February 4, with his daughters by his side, and a really terrible college basketball game on tv, in hopes he’d rally to scream at some refs one more time. Robert Francis Christie is survived by his beloved wife of 57 years, Jacqueline, his daughter Lisa, her sons Hank and Mateo Trimble, his daughter Kathleen, son-in-law Chris Fortune and their children Lucy, Augustus, and Scarlett. Despite the fact we’ve been writing this obituary in our heads as a therapy exercise for decades, it’s hard to put words to the impact of Bob Christie. Born in Port Chester, New York, and raised in Queens, Bob moved to Denver, Colorado, at the age of 13 after a brief stint as the smallest member of the Flushing Hell Knights gang. His brain and athletic ability soon allowed him to escape a childhood of poverty and abuse. The smartest person in every room, he was the recipient of the prestigious Gates Foundation Scholarship to study at the Colorado School of Mines, before going on to graduate from the California Institute of Technology with a degree in nuclear engineering. A gifted athlete, he was a member of the spectacularly unsuccessful football and baseball teams at both schools. Bob’s pursuit of a Ph.D. in physics at the University of Michigan was put on hold when he volunteered for Army Officer Candidate School during the Vietnam War. The number one-ranked graduate of his OCS class, Bob went to war for a year, leaving behind two young children and one angry wife. He returned to a career in nuclear engineering at TVA in Knoxville, Tennessee, where he worked for 13 years before starting his own risk management firm. First Lieutenant Christie received many accommodations during his time in the military, including a Bronze Star, and recognition for his “tact, intelligence and hard work” in leading an investigation to expose and eradicate racial discrimination. In his civilian life, he once saved a man’s life at work, had a side job as a New York Times proofreader, was a published author, and pulled pranks on famous astronauts he helped train. (These are the remarkable stories he never mentioned, and the ones we would have loved to hear on repeat, rather than some of his classics.) Before disease, Fox News and the Wall Street Journal Op/Ed page stole his brain, Bob was decades ahead in his thinking. Everyone was equal in his eyes, regardless of gender, race, income or religion. He believed housework and childcare was to be equally shared, his daughters could be anything (as long as it wasn’t a cheerleader or an attorney), birth control was a medical miracle, and no man had a right to tell any woman how to use her body. (Please contact us if you’re interested in purchasing an extensive collection of Playboys.) He believed a world was only as successful as its most disadvantaged citizens, which is why as CEO of his own company, every employee, including him, shared equally in the profit. Long before tech titans made it okay, he wore the same humble button down and khakis to work every day so as not to make anyone feel inferior to his management position––no matter how INCREDIBLY EMBARRASSING IT WAS, DAD. With a scary personality, and intellect sharper than his multiple rows of teeth, there wasn’t a room that Bob couldn’t make uncomfortable. But, it all hid a generous heart. A champion of the underdog, Bob always saw the person who didn’t fit, the one who slipped by unnoticed, and would reward them with his time and often his money. If you’ve ever been stuck in a conversation with Bob, you know the latter was preferable. Though he would never admit it, his family was undeniably his purpose. The man was allergic to the sun, but took his wife to the beach at least twice a year and bought a timeshare in Hawaii, just because she loved it. (Please contact us if you’re interested in a timeshare in Hawaii.) An avid collector of Southwestern art (please contact us if you’re interested in Southwestern art), he and Jackie traveled the world, often accompanied by family or friends, all paid for courtesy of Mean Uncle/Grandpa Bob. He never missed a single one of his girls’ swim meets, basketball games or volleyball games, despite how desperately they sometimes wished he would. If the grandkids had an event, he was there, taking statistics for later in-depth analysis. In fairness, he also didn’t believe in air conditioning––or deodorant––so a lot of the aforementioned good is negated. They broke the mold with this one (most definitely on purpose), and his family is forever better for having known him. Especially if the lottery tickets we bought using his birthday numbers pay out. The family will celebrate the remarkable life of their husband, Dad and Grandpa with a private military burial on Monday, February 13, where we will rejoice that we never have to hear him sing again. In lieu of flowers, perhaps in his honor you might tip a little extra to the workers, talk a little more to the overlooked, or give to the schools and organizations that too often go without.

Tributes

Robert Francis Christie

January 2, 1943 - February 4, 2023